Love and Logic the more I think about it the two words, they really do go together. We want to love our children and we want to teach them logic. At times it may be hard to get the two to go hand in hand yet Sarah Jane gave us some practical tips to help all moms.
Here are some of the tips that was shared with us -
Love and Logic -
The model for growing kids Gods way.
Parenting with Love and Logic, by Jim Faye and Foster Cline.
Love and logic encompasses two things, love and logic. 1Corinthians 13
What does that mean for us and our children
"1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled." 1 Cor 13:1-10
Love never gives up and hangs in there, and we want to teach our children and for our
empathy - Identifying with others in situations.
Love - To have a deep tender affection, ineffable feeling.
Understanding -
Logic - to reason things out
When kids are 2- yes they can solve problems when they are two.
Lock in logic - reasoning or capable of reasoning in the head
Win-Win
Parents can love in a healthy way- - establish control without resorting to anger
Children - learn responsibility, logic of life by solving problems on their own
3 Tips
1. Setting family - Expectations and Rules
A. only 2-3
B. Different from Rules
C. Align with your values
(Walker family - Be respectful, (Rude comments) Be responsible, Be fun to be around (party, family parties...20 adults, 30 children, not wanting to share toys....a idea of not being fun around ).
Rules with out relationship, cause Rebellion
Rewards w/o relationships seem like Bribes
Consequences without relationship - Resentment
Rules and Consequences with Relationships = Discipleship and Discipline.
Relationship that grows and leads direction.
Family Rules: Changed based on setting
Should fall under one of the expectations
Social and Behavioral
Not Emotional
2. Shared Control -
We are a little control freaky - most people I know really like control. "We want the PooWer" at our house
Someone will not do what they say at some point.
Giving a little control away -
Control is a Basic emotional need
*when humans perceive that control is being taken away they will most do anything to get it back
* Humans will even hurt themselves in order to prove that control can not be taken away
*Learning and high level tasks can't be preformed when a person is focused on fulfilling control
*When a control is shared, humans react better to stress and are easier to work with.
* Strong willing individuals have greater need for control.
Strong willed kids want a little more control.
Control
really affective people share control by giving away small choices over small choices over issues, that wont cause a problem for anyone else.
The more perceived control a person has the more like he or she will be more cooperative.
Choices - The use of choices is the most misused technique in all of schools and homes
How choice is used right - I'm going to do this, not your going to do this
The V of Love - at birth not a whole lot of control, at adulthood should have a lot more of that control. Control has limits, give a little more control. All about Perceived control, Offer choices in elementary - (example - soccer or swim team...not all of the sports).
Jr. High ( studying - one night to spend the night....) High school (who and where they go)
The V is turned upside down and child has no controls, and goes to college and become a child who has no control. This child is now deemed the wild child.
Small controls + choices
choices you can handle
fun for you
give 2 options
give choices before resistance
give a more specific time a child has to respond
choices are not negotiable
With times limits then we make the choice for them.
never give a choice that might cause a problem for you or someone else
choices NEVER break rules
When there are no choices we get a lot of misbehavior
then we have to enforces the rules
3. Mistakes and Opportunities
When children problem solve they become responsible for their own problems
When kids problems become our problems.
Get emotional about something that doesn't involve you
rescue mission parents
love doesn't' - jumping into conflicts
need to Model adult behavior
Help them problem solve and save them .
If any ladies have anything to add, please add your thoughts on what Mrs. Walker talked about with Love and Logic. We would love to see some input on how you as mom are gathering information and then turning around and making it work for your family. Tanna
If any ladies have anything to add, please add your thoughts on what Mrs. Walker talked about with Love and Logic. We would love to see some input on how you as mom are gathering information and then turning around and making it work for your family. Tanna
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